The Cops!

Guess you can't win every match you stepped into. Goldberg did back in the day... Because WCW board of directors saw fit. I lost to Edge last Week and it sucks! It's a shame he schooled me in that ring, he reversed my grapples and stood up against my pure power! I've been wondering why did I lose, and why I've been laughed at for two straight weeks.
It's not the haircut, not the ring attire and definitely not the powerhouse style.
It's been just a matter of Misscalculation! This Rabid state isn't taking me anywhere... sure my clotheslines are thunderous and my powerbombs shake the whole squared circle, but brute power isn't taking me anywhere, and instead it's making me more of a brute.
This isn't about trampling every person before me, I must plan my strategy out from now on!
If I walk out at Aggression and pretend to act the way I've been acting in the ring, I'll make a fool out of me.

Brian Kendrick is my next opponent. I will thoroughly follow a scheme for the match, and think about every option!

I Have devided I will be my own therapist until I find someone worthy and capable of doing the job. Someone who listens to me and offers advice, not the other way round.

---

Dave, as his own therapist has already began with his treatment for anger. Anger isn't bad, but it definitely needs a good amount of intelligence to go along with it. Lots of Junk food, Lots of Exercise, Comedies on Blu-Ray, Candy, Hanging out in just boxers and a muscle shirt all day long! Dave was sitting back, just finishing to watch Jim Carrey's "Yes man!" and having laughed so hard his abdomen was in extreme pain. He tilted his head back on the couch and sighed.

Dave Batista: Man! This the best anger management therapy I've ever assisted to! Jim Carrey And Seth Rogen! What better medicine could I ask for! Man, they're the Canadian Gods of Comedy... Such a Shame Canadian Humor at the EBWF is so grossed out, FedEx... I'm facing one of those weaklings At Aggresion, Brian Kendrick! He thinks he's funny... But he's not at all!

I haven't heard anyone laughing... As a Matter of fact, tonight at Aggression I will erase that girly moon face with my Strenght... I will... show... Him... who the... *Yawn*

Dave was exhausted from watching so many movies he felt asleep right away. I would like to tell you that he dreamed about giving the poor skinny Kendrick a Spinebuster, followed by a Batista bomb and pinned him for the one-two-three, unluckily for us it seemed that his sleep was about to be cut off. Dave Felt he had been sleeping for just a few minutes before a loud knock on the door made him open his eyes. It was a simple yet firm and strong knock, which kept beating on his door. Apparently someone wanted him to open the door quickly. Jumping off from the couch he opened the door and looked a bit puzzled. Before him a couple of officers were standing. One of them was Slim, tall, with blue eyes and brown straight hair, man he resembled Bill Hader! The other Officer was chubbier, shorter and had a very funny biker moustache. Was it Seth Rogen?

Dave Rubbed his eyes, he wanted to ask something that would clear things up, but he didn't want to offend a couple of police officers either, what if the Feng Shui Essences he bought had narcotics on them and he was seeing things? What if this was just a coincidence? He cleared his throat but the cops cut him short.

Officer Michaels: Good afternoon sir. This is Officer Slater and I am Officer Michaels.

Dave Batista: Hello Officers how may I help you?

Officer Slater: some rooms on this floor close to yours were robbed an hour ago, and we wanted you to tell us if you have seen anything?

Dave Batista: Seriously? Robbed? Well no... I was just chilling here, getting ready for tonight!

Officer Michaels: Are you going out to Party tonight sir?

Dave Batista: No officer, I happen to have a match!

Officer Slater: Well, you do look like the fighter type, what type of match is it? Kick Boxing, Boxing, Karate, UFC.

Officer Michaels: Oh! UFC! That is what's hot right now!

Dave Batista: Actually Wrestling... It's a Wrestling match!

Officer Slater: Got it!

Officer Michaels: We have been trained in Muai Thai, Capoeira, Lightsaber Combats...

Dave chuckled slowly and folded his arms, this can't be really happening!

Officer Slater: You know... to wear the badge you need to be safe!

Officer Michaels: Yeah, huge responsibility! "EnR35 PUV FC3FORd OL". So don't mess with us, we can kick your ass! Well not yours, seems pretty muscled!

Officer Slater: Michaels, you're reading it upside down again! Try unattaching the badge from your shirt and read it straight "To Protect and Serve". So Mister...

Dave Batista: Batista

Officer Michaels: Oh! Batista, is that like Italian for Baptist? If your name's John it'd be hilarious man! Last night we pulled a cab driver over and his name was Chuu Cok!

Officer Slater: He was Chinese.

Officer Michaels: He was one of those small skinny chineses who get in the car and drive loco!

Dave Batista: I don't know anyone who's Chinese, but I'm pretty familiar with small skinny loco guys... I'm facing one tonight!

Officer Slater: Mr Batista have you been here all evening?

Dave Batista: I have.

Officer Michaels: What were you doing?

Dave Batista: I've been Watching movies and eating!

Officer Slater: What Movies? Dirty Movies?

Dave Batista: No Sir. Comedies "Superbad" Does the name ring your bell?

Officer Michaels: Not at all, are you making up movie names as a cover up?

Dave Batista: No officer, it's a 2007 Comedy Directed by Seth Rogen

Officer Slater: Seth Rogen? What a stupid name...

Officer Michaels: I know... we will have to search your appartment for clues, right now you're a suspect bulky boy!

Dave Batista: Okay officers, come on in.

Both officers smiled at each other and nodded once. Slater got ahead while Michaels popped his gun out and Shh'ed Dave. He looked both sides before getting through the door by rolling forward. A loud cracking noise was heard and Michaels yelped in pain. Placing his hand on his back he writhed and moaned, while Slater looked around

Officer Slater: Michaels Were you shot?

Officer Michaels: My Back! I hit my back!

Dave Batista: Are you okay officer?

Officer Slater: Help me sit him down.

Dave took Officer Michaels by his arms and sat him on the couch, Slater sat next.

Dave Batista: Can I offer you a Drink?

Officer Michaels: You got any beer?

He has watched Superbad a million times, why would he ask such a stupid question knowing what the answer would be? He Walked over to the television and took the Blu-Ray he was watching out of the tray, he looked around for one saying EBWF Aug-Jul and popped it in.

Dave Batista: I hope you don't mind me beginning to prepare myself for the match!

Officer Slater: As long as you bring our beers!

Dave Batista: You got it.

Walking over towards his kitchen he opened the fridge and pulled out two ice cold ones for the officers. He walked back and went to join them on the couch as Kendrick's Match a couple of weeks ago with Ken Kennedy was displayed on the 50'' LCD screen he owned. The Officers looked at the moves and stood silent, Michaels seemed perfect, but Dave wouldn't want to piss them off, or maybe... for recreational purposes he would!

Dave Batista: See the guy in the 70's underpants, Skinny, effeminate and with long hair? That's who I'm facing tonight!

Officer Michaels: Well, good luck on that! Not that you need it! I mean, don't you feel like a bully?

Dave Batista: Why would I? It wasn't me who booked the match it was the boss, Mr. Ikeda.

Officer Slater: I would feel bad if I were booked to  own a little bitch like that one... You're so big and he's so skinny man!

Dave Batista: Well I don't make the matches, I just go out there, do my thing and entertain people!

Officer Michaels: Slater, I bet a hundreth bucks John Baptist will destroy that kid in less than 5 minutes

Officer Slater: I say less than 5 seconds!

Batista chuckles, the comments making him confident about the outcome of the match.

Dave Batista: Well, he's really quick so I can't waste much time nor turn my back on him! I have failed to obtain victories because of that!

Officer Michaels: So you Shoot first and Ask the Questions afterwards?

Dave Batista: In a way, yes... Nice way of putting it

Officer Slater: That's Fellony

Officer Michaels: And We're the police...

Dave Batista: There is nothing wrong about it Officers, it is legal. It is my job!

Officer Slater: And that Skinny kid... is he over 21?

Dave Batista: Of course he is! He has a contract with the EBWF

Officer Michaels: Well he looks like a kid to me... and Girlish too!

Officer Slater: Definitely...

The Screen shows Mr. Kennedy Giving Brian Kendrick the Mich Check in slow motion, covering him afterwards to score the pinfall.

Officer Michaels: Ohhhhhhhhh!

Officer Slater: He owned the kid! And He's Smaller than you!

Officer Michaels: Man! Something tells me that we'll see you later tonight! Someone like you and someone like him in the same ring... All I can think of is Murder.

Dave Batista: I'll just need some selfcontrol! Talking about Self-Control! How do you blue guys control the urge of recurring to violence?

Both officers busted out into laughter, they were laughing like mad! Michaels was laughing so hard no one would believe he injured his back moments ago, to be honest Dave didn't think Michaels was hurt either.

Officer Michaels: You're killing me...

Officer Slater: John Baptist! With this uniform you can do pretty much whatever you want and blame it on an imaginary criminal, or even on someone innocent! When we want to hit someone we just plant a gun into his pocket...

Officer Michaels: Voila! Self Control? We are the law! We run this motherfucking town man!

Dave Batista: Then, I guess I'll use my strength only to numb him and bring him down, I think I might be able to stop before his heart stops beating! Sure, he's got backup, and he's been longer than me on the EBWF. But that doesn't mean a thing actually... does it? I will walk down the ramp tonight, and give my best to Kendrick! That guy might not be able to lift me up, but believe me! He's good at flying!

Officer Slater: He does pot too?

Dave Batista: No! Or... I don't know! That's not what I meant! When his spine crashes against the mat not once, but twice! He'll realize how doomed he is! I will release all the powerhouse I have in storage to achieve my victory!

Officer Michaels: You know... I did not understand half a thing of what you said!

Officer Slater: Michaels, he must know!

Dave Batista: Know what?

Officer Michaels: Man, no rooms have been robbed...

Dave Batista: Really?

Dave tried to seem impressed, it was hard not to be, having seen them on screen a million times.

Officer Michaels: The truth is we're EBWF Freaks! We love you guys! And we knew you guys were coming to St. Paul and we just wanted to meet you! We're huge fans

Officer Slater: [In a Beavis tone, and doing an air Guitar] Ta-na Ta-na Ta-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Ta-Ta-na-na-na-na

At First, Dave didn't know what was going on, what song was Officer Slater signing? Then when he Saw Michaels Next to him, Imitating Batista on his way to the ring he noticed Slater was singing probably the words version of his music he has ever heard!

Officer Michaels: We Got Front Row Tickets for tonight!!!

Dave Batista: Well Gentlemen! I will not disappoint you then! It doesn't Matter if it's Chris Jericho, Lance Storm, Paul London or a TigerPigMonkeyDragonFish... I will Bring Kendrick Down! No one will step in between me and glory! And FedEx are Definitely number one on my enemy list! I haven't realized until just now how lucky I am to  be able to crush them one by one... Not that I can't crush them all at the same time!

Officer Slater: Do you want us to Arrest them? That way it'll be Kendrick and you!

Officer Michaels: We could Plant some pot on their locker room.

Dave Batista: There's no need for that...

Officer Slater: You mean they smoke?

Dave Batista: Told you I don't know! Man, only true fans do what you guys have done today! Come here and visit me, pretending to be inquiring about some crime! And tonight I will reward you with a magnificent display of ability, Strenght and Strategy because I might be an Animal but I am not dumb! I have instincts, strenght and intelligence! Brian Kendrick will get Thumbs Down!

Officer Michaels: Group hug!

Both officers hugged Dave and began singing his theme song horribly offbeat and totally untuned. They laughed and smacked the big man's biceps thanking him for the time he spent with them and asking him if he'd kick Kendrick's ass for them tonight! They kept singing until they got cut off by the ringing of an Alarm. Dave Opened his eyes and found himself laying back in the couch, with the TV off. He looked around for Michaels or Slater but they were nowhere to be seen... It had been just a dream! And an odd one! Dave stood up and began walking towards the bathroom, he wanted to get a bath before his match. On his way towards the bathroom he kicked an empty beer bottle and smiled to himself in shock, as he hasn't taken any beer from the fridge.

Dave Batista: I will kick some ass tonight guys!